


Follow your heart

by anyrei



Series: TUMBLR SHORT FICS [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Season/Series 11, dean/cas - Freeform, episode 11x11 “Into the Mystic”
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-16 21:06:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5840980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyrei/pseuds/anyrei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean can't sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Follow your heart

**Follow your heart**

 

Dean couldn’t sleep. Mildred had caught him by surprise when she had told him that he was pining over someone. And now he couldn’t get it out of his head.

 

He hadn’t told Sam. He knew why the banshee had attacked him, why he was vulnerable. It felt like a huge black hole in his chest, like he was empty inside… like he had lost control over his life. 

 

He was afraid. This connection with Amara was creeping him out and he didn’t know how to stop it. But he wasn’t pining for her.

 

He wasn’t pining at all. Well, maybe a little bit. But not in the way Mildred had meant it.

 

When Mildred had watched the sunset with him it had hit him. Not for the first time, he felt like he just wanted to stop. To appreciate and enjoy the things he still had in his life.

 

_ And, I don’t know, I mean, there’s things. There’s people. Feelings that I…I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time. _

 

He remembered every word from his confession, a confession that seemed ages ago. And still he hadn’t changed anything in his life. He still hadn’t found the courage to do exactly that… experience feelings differently than before. Feelings he had for this one person in his life that confused the hell out of him, because he had no clue what he should do about them.

 

It was complicated.

 

Dean sighed and turned on his side, trying to fall asleep. Something was off about Cas. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it… it was just a gut feeling.

 

Something he did and said… it was strange. It was just one of Cas’s many idiosyncrasies that Dean was used to, that Cas always touched his left shoulder when he wanted to comfort him. The hunter always thought that this was because he once had Cas’s handprint on exactly that spot. But he hadn’t done it today. 

 

And another thing was that Cas had gone full tactician on him again. He wanted to use the creepy bond between him and Amara to lure her out.

 

It didn’t sit right with Dean. He had thought Cas would react differently to Dean’s confession about Amara… And then there was this strange feeling he got from him. Cas seemed so self-assured and strong… and distant. Like he had been in his early days or when he had been pumped up with all the souls from Purgatory.

 

Maybe Dean was just over reacting. He knew his actual problem was that he and Cas had become distant. That he had the feeling he didn’t even know his best friend anymore. And he was afraid he would lose Cas.

 

Okay, maybe he was pining. The truth was, he missed Cas.

 

And although he had seen him earlier… he hadn’t stopped missing him.

 

It was as if Cas wasn’t there anymore.

 

_ Follow your heart,  _ Mildred had said.

 

He knew what he wanted. But he also knew he wouldn’t get it. Not now at least. They had to save the world and maybe this would be his last fight. Maybe this time he would die and he knew that this time it would be final. 

 

Watching the sunset with the one he loved… He didn’t know if he would get that. But the next time he would see Cas, maybe he would ask him.

 

Maybe whatever they had lost, they could find again. Maybe he really should follow his heart on this one.


End file.
